28 May 2011 – Homecomings, Severed Fingers & Green Babies

7. Fitting that Milan Lucic would figure prominently in a tight-checking, hard-hitting Eastern Conference final game seven. Forget that the Lightning have three of the best pure scorers in the game. Ignore the fact that Dwayne Roloson had never lost an elimination game before Friday night. Hell, throw off the balcony the observation that Zdeno Chara and Martin St Louis are so disparate in size that anthropologists don’t consider them to be from the same species. Looch deserves the trip to the finals because he’s from Vancouver. He led theVancouver Giants to the city’s first Memorial Cup in eleventy million years. His maternal uncle played for theVancouver Canucks. What more do you need? This storyline writes its bad self. Continue reading

25 May 2011 -The Curse of the Presidents’ Trophy, Double OT & the Road to Hell

Seven Things – 25 May 2011

1. Before these playoffs began, much was said about the Vancouver Canucks and the Curse of the Presidents’ Trophy – which by the way would be a bitchin’ summer movie, unless of course it starred Nicolas Cage.

Nicolas Cage and the Curse of the Presidents’ Trophy

Anyway, since 1986, when that particular piece of bling was adopted for the top points-getter in the NHL regular season, just 7 of its 24 recipients have gone on to win the Stanley Cup. Loads of people predicted when the Canucks became the 25th team to be engraved upon the PT that they’d fall under that spell, too. “Look at Washington last year,” they crowed, “and San Jose before them.” Well look no longer, folks, because the stats are now on Vancouver’s side. Of the nine teams to win the Presidents’ Trophy and make the Stanley Cup finals, only two have lost. The Canucks not only have a red hot team with a solid roster going into the fourth round, they have 78% of historical precedent behind them. Continue reading

22 May 2011 – Sharks on the Brink, Records A-Falling, and Lightning Bolts at the Airport

Seven Things – 22 May 2011

1. The Vancouver Canucks rode their power play through much of the regular season. They were first overall in goals and had the best PP in the league this year; when they win, the man advantage very often is one of the main reasons. Sunday afternoon was no exception, as the Canucks scored three goals on two-man advantages in unusually quick succession. In fact, the buck fifty-five between the first and third goals broke the franchise record for the fastest three goals of any kind scored by the Canucks in a playoff game. I’ve yet to find any time in NHL history where three goals were scored by one team on the 5-on-3, let alone in under two minutes.

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Did I say the only reason? Because another solid part of the Canucks win in game four is explored in #5 below. Continue reading


20 May 2011 – Penalties, More Penalties, and The Teal Men?

1. Game 3 of the Western Conference Final went tonight at the HP Pavilion in San Jose, and saw the Sharks climb back into the series with a 4-3 win over the Canucks. The score was flattering to the visitors, as the Sharks absolutely DOMINATED through 2 periods. The Canucks couldn’t string two passes together. They were outhustled, outworked, spent an entire period in the penalty box, managed only a couple of grade ‘A’ 5-on-5 scoring chances – which Antii Niemi was more than equal to – and generally deserved a much more lopsided defeat. Continue reading

19 May 2011 – The Twins, the Twins, and Some Old-Time Hockey

Seven Things – 19 May 2011

1. With a combined 2 goals and 5 points in game two, it’s official. The twins have arrived in the Western Conference final.


First of all, we now have a clearer idea what the hell Ben Eager was thinking as he took penalty after penalty after penalty in the third period as the Canucks lit the Sharks up for four power play goals. There are just two questions that come to mind:

  • Why the hell didn’t he just save us the trouble and call the ref’s mother a whore to get a 10-minute misconduct? He still gets the box time but doesn’t leave his team shorthanded for pretty much the entire period.
  • Why do the jerks always get the girl? Showing the Sedins, or Kevin Bieksa, or Chris Higgins your nipply bits would have made sense, mystery girl. But Ben Eager? He’s a drooling imbecile at the best of times – on Wednesday he was eye poppingly daft. Hardly deserving of the teat show. Continue reading

18 May 2011 – Red Lights, Teenagers and Gordie Howe Hat Tricks

Seven Things – 18 May 2011

1. The Vancouver Canucks take an impressive 2-0 lead in the Western Conference final. Not impressive because they’re only two wins away from the third Cup final in team history, but impressive because of the way they’ve harpooned the Sharks late in both games. Both Vancouver and San Jose are big, imposing teams with deep rosters. The Canucks can keep those wheels moving at top speed for three full periods – the Sharks just can’t keep up that pace for two reasons. One: Ryan Kesler outskates Joe Thornton any night of the week. Two: Vancouver’s defense corps, from D-man #1 through D-man #6, is just too good at jumping into the play. Dan Boyle can’t do it all himself; the constant Canuck transition game just plain tires the Sharks out.You’ve gotta play a full 60 minutes, boys. Continue reading

15 May 2011 – Linesmen, the Top Line, and the Incredible Invisible Defenseman

Seven Things – 15 May 2011

1. You wonder why the Vancouver – Nashville series was such a snooze? Not only do the Predators employ a stifling defensive game plan, it wasn’t until the sixth game that the two teams showed any kind of passion on the ice. By contrast, the Western Conference final started with both Joe Thornton and Ryan Kesler getting tossed from the opening freaking faceoff. These aren’t goons orchestrating a fight because they have no skills to back up the trash talk. These are hockey’s best, headbutting and jousting before the series even starts. Are you kidding me? Bring. It. On. This really is what we live for. Continue reading

13 May 2011 – Of Sharks, Streaks and the Six Million Dollar Man

Seven Things – 13 May 2011

1. By dispatching the Nashville Predators in six games, the Vancouver Canucks earned a berth in the Western Conference final. (By not doing it in five games, they royally screwed my bracket pool at work. I’m not bitter. Shut up.) It is the Canucks’ third trip to the final four in their forty-year history. In both 1982 and 1994, they advanced to the Stanley Cup final, giving them a 100% efficiency rating in conference final series. How many conference finals have you won, San Jose? Huh? Huh? Yeah, none. That’s what I thought. Sharks, beware: the Canucks have history on their side. Continue reading

Episode 31 – Top 7 Canuck Nicknames – Part 1

The Canucks have no decent nicknames at the moment, unless you count Sami Salo’s Balls of Steel. With guests Kennedy Goodkey and Rob Tarzwell, we look back over the forty years of team history to discuss the best nicknames in Vancouver Canucks history. Here’s part one.

  • Intro by the Orchid Highway
  • Top Seven Canuck Nicknames of All Time, Part I
  • #7 – “The Russian Rocket”
  • #6 – “Bones”
  • #5 – “Spider”
  • #4 – “Cowan the Bra-barian”
  • Outro by the Orchid Highway
  • Thanks for listening
  • Neener neener neener


Kennedy Goodkey
Shoots right
Chirpy, with bad knees, but tends to score big goals in the playoffs.

Kennedy is an actor, writer and film-maker in Vancouver, BC. You can check out his YouTube series Best Picture, or his serialized novel Necropolis, or see his film The Beast of Bottomless Lake on Super Channel in Canada. Kennedy grew up watching the Canucks, but admits not getting a true handle on just how deep the roots were till he hit university. Ironically, that’s about the time the Canucks had a decent team for the first time.

Rob Tarzwell
Shoots right
140 lbs
Dig, dig, dig. Check like you won’t survive. Inadvertently screen the goalie as often as possible.

Dr. Rob Tarzwell is a Vancouver psychiatrist with a second specialty in nuclear medicine. His clinical interests include the use of radiotracers to study blood flow, glucose utilization, and neuroreceptors in brain disease and psychiatric disorders. Speaking of psychiatric disorders, Dr Rob has been a fan of the Canucks since 1988, when Gretzky got traded to the Kings. He narrowly escaped the 1994 game 7 riots downtown Vancouver, and still sometimes wakes up in cold sweat to the sound of a ringing post.


9 May 2011 – Ryan Needs-a-Nickname Kesler, Praise the Ward, and Beer Girls

Seven Things – 9 May 2011

Ryan 'Don't Call Him Clark' Kesler1. The Vancouver Canucks have made the Conference Finals for the first time since 1994, and just the third time in their 40-year history. The first time they were on the shoulders of King Richard Brodeur – the second time, it was Captain Kirk McLean who got them to the third round. This time they sit atop the broad shoulders of Ryan Kesler. Nickname him as you will, just don’t call him Clark. He hates that. Continue reading