31 Oct 2011 – Seven Costumes I Wish I’d Read About Today

If you use twitter, you may have heard about the massive shit storm that Raffi Torres caused when he and his wife dressed up as Jay-Z and Beyonce. They probably shouldn’t have done that. On the other hand, Twitter as a whole probably should have taken a giant chill pill.

For my part, middle-class white boys from Richmond should probably keep their opinions on racism to themselves. Anyway, in the spirit of Hallowe’en, here are seven costumes I would much rather have read about.

1. Kevin Bieksa as naked Kesler. Ok, I actually did read about this one today. Though I have no great desire to see any more Canucks in their birthday suits, Hallowe’en is one of 365 days each year on which Ryan Kesler’s teammates should not allow him to live down that photo shoot. This costume seems like a perfect reminder.

2. Donald Fehr as Count Bettman. What better way to kick off the new CBA negotiations than by pointing out Gary Bettman’s resemblance to Sesame Street’s Count von Count?

3. Ron MacLean as a Rangers fan who just got beaten with his own shoe. Mike Milbury hasn’t even taken over from Don Cherry on Coach’s Corner (you know it’s coming eventually) and I’m already sick of him. I can only imagine what it’s like to have to be in his presence without a set of headphones or a mute switch. MacLean should get their inevitable partnership off to a good start with this little jab. Best part is, Milbury’s thick enough he probably wouldn’t get it.

4. Ryan Kesler photobombing himself. Tricky to pull off properly, but I’m thinking a cardboard cutout of Kesler’s torso extending over his own shoulder. Maybe eating a slice of pizza.

5. Jonathan Toews as drunk Kane. Make it an ensemble costume. Get Sharp and Bolland to dress up as skanky drunk girls and Hossa to to be a limousine driver. If nothing else, it would convince me that Toews has a personality.

6. Cory Schneider as Jannik Hansen. Schneider appeared on CBC’s After Hours last February and did this hilarious impersonation of his Danish pal. Dead simple to pull off, just throw on a #36 Canucks sweater and walk around talking like Mickey Mouse all night.

7. Kyle Wellwood as Fat Kyle Wellwood. It’s not going away buddy. Embrace it.

Happy Hallowe’en, everybody!

 

– Chris Withers