Canada wins; Tortorella loses

"Hey Ref! Read between the lines, will ya?" — John Tortorella. Photo scrubbed from the interweb.
“Hey Ref! Read between the lines, will ya?” — John Tortorella. Photo scrubbed from the interweb.

John Tortorella just can’t catch a break.

After Ryan Kesler & Co. played the United States out of medal contention this weekend, Torts publicly cheered for Team Sweden. He said he “doesn’t give a shit about Team Canada” because Mike Babcock benched Roberto Luongo and sat Dan Hamhuis for all but token minutes through the knockout games. He hoped Daniel Sedin would score a brace, Alex Edler would gather three assists, and the two of them would come back to Rogers Arena with gold around their necks and fire in their bellies.

Of course, it’s Hammer and @strombone1 bringing home the shiniest of shiny baubles, as the Swedes went without two of their three important Henriks — they even went without the equally viktig Nicklas Backstrom, as his migraine medication was found to be in violation of the IOC anti-doping policies. Even with those three in the lineup, they likely wouldn’t have touched this particular iteration of Team Canada, which was built not for sexy offensive flair, but rather for defensive tautness. But I digress. These are problems for Peter Forsberg and Tre Kronar, not for Torts.

More after the jump.

The Canucks head coach wasn’t invited to take part in the American Olympic team for Sochi, despite being an assistant coach for the 2010 silver medal-winning squad in Vancouver. It was exactly that potty mouth we heard this week that had gotten him sent to the international showers. “Tortorella damaged his public image [last] season with hostile news conferences while with the New York Rangers and a cursing incident during an NBC interview,” wrote Kevin Allen of USA Today when Dan Bylsma, not Torts, was named head coach of the Sochi team. “One reason why the NHL allows it players and coaches to go the Olympics is to help grow the game. Tortorella’s behavior [last] season didn’t help him.”

When his pizza isn't exactly the way he likes it, John Tortorella insists upon speaking to the manager. Photo gleaned from the world wide web.
When his pizza isn’t exactly the way he likes it, John Tortorella insists upon speaking to the manager. Photo gleaned from the world wide web.

The move behind the Canucks bench — and away from some of the New York-based media that he’d grown to disdain — seemed to have calmed his savage breast somewhat. Until, that is, he famously got himself suspended for trying to Chuck Norris his way into the Calgary Flames dressing room on.

The Canucks promptly played themselves out of their wild card playoff spot, and find an uphill battle just to make themselves relevant before the end of the season.

Torts will argue his team was tired, his team was injured, his team was stressed. To some extent it’s all true. The Canucks have a brutal travel schedule every season. Ironman Henrik Sedin got himself a rib injury, and missed his first action in nearly a decade. And Vancouver is one of the most unforgiving hockey markets in this man’s NHL, which can’t help a guy like Alex Burrows get off the biggest schneid in his career. But damn it, every team in the league plays with their own waxes and wanes. You didn’t see the Penguins fall apart playing nearly 18 months without Sidney Crosby.

The good news is, Daniel Sedin did score a goal in Sochi — so we have proof that he remembers how. Henrik is on the mend, and might play sooner than later. Who knows, Burr might even turn on the red light, and make this futile streak a distant memory.

But no matter what happens on the top line, the coach still looks down the bench and sees names like SESTITO on the backs of jerseys. As long as that’s the situation, Torts just can’t win.