Because we all need, from time to time, to feel like hey, at least we aren’t that guy, Pucked in the Head is pleased to bring you some news from the Oceania region.
The Federated States of Micronesia recently decided, for the first time in their history, to try and qualify for the Olympics in the sport of men’s football. For those unfamiliar with the tiny island nation, it’s, well, tiny. My garden shed is bigger than this country, as the Voyageurs’ chant goes, and I live in an apartment. The country has a total land area smaller than Metro Vancouver and a population base in the neighbourhood of Maple Ridge. The players had in most cases never left their own island prior to the tournament, and in some cases had never played 11-a-side football before. You might expect this qualification attempt to go poorly. You might be correct.
Micronesia, not a member of FIFA, was put into a group with Tahiti (182nd), Fiji (195th) and Vanuatu (200th) at the Pacific Games, an Olympic qualifying tournament. They lost to those teams 0-30, 0-38 and 0-46 respectively. That’s what happens when you use goal differential as a tie breaker. Here are some highlights, if you can bear to watch.
I’m unsure if there is enough continuous level ground on the islands that make up Micronesia to have a football field. Perhaps at low tide – which limits time for effective practice scrums.
On the plus side of the coin, Vanuatu is celebrating that in one game they tripled their all-time goal scoring tally (including friendlies.)
Just watching the highlights Chris posted here, I’m tempted to arrange some sort of bucket list trip involving a friendly between a beer league Southsiders kickaround squad and the Fijian national side. They won their game against Micronesia by a few converted touchdowns, but damned if they didn’t look positively amateurish themselves.