In an age of hyper marketing, intense competition and tightly controlled PR, it’s amazing that truly horrible ideas can still make it past the brainstorming stage. Whether it’s the nightmare of design by committee or just a conflagration of mediocre talents pulling the wool over the eyes of out of touch rich CEOs, we occasionally see awful designs rolled out in an underwhelming explosion of anticlimax. Today, we analyze the most recent NHL obscenity with the introduction of a new Seven Things series: Somebody Approved This.
Note: This fugly spittoon shirt was originally leaked — or is that leaked upon? — as a proposed third jersey in 2011-12. We wrote it up then as the ugliest thing to come out of Long Island, and remember these clowns wore the teal and orange fishermen a while back. Sadly the lockout didn’t allow Charles Wang and his wandering minstrels of woe quite enough time to rejig the damned thing. Consequently, Isles fans are being forced to watch not only a crappy team, but a crappy team in disgusting uniforms.
More, including the always-entertaining Withers Haiku, after the break.
Jersey: The 2011-12 New York Islanders alternate jersey. To be fair, the official announcement hasn’t yet been made. We’re going by a report from the usually reliable folks at Icethetics. Update: This has officially been adopted as the third atrocity jersey for the shortened 2013 season.
Years worn: 2011 through, if we were betting men, 2011. Update: 2013.
Reaction: Plenty of “Really? For serious?” After that, various combinations of “unattractive”, “unimaginative” and “disrespectful to a proud heritage”. In short, overwhelmingly negative. Update: “Really? All that time locked out and you can’t come up with better shite than this?”
Most famous players to wear it: Nobody’s worn this thing yet, and we rather hope it stays that way. Update: As per usual, what we hope means jack shit. John Tavares and Evgeni Nabokov are the biggest names to be punished with this MS Paint abomination.
Why it’s great: Well, it’s likely to alienate all 37 fans this organization has left. (Yes, John Tavares’ mom still counts. Matt Moulson’s wife does not – she cheers for her brother-in-law, who happens to be the #1 goaltender for the L.A. Kings.) This will no doubt assist Charles Wang when he inevitably tries to move the team once their building lease ends. Many have speculated that this is an attempt to tie the Isles colour scheme to that of the Knicks and the Mets in anticipation of a move off to Brooklyn. From a management perspective, therefore, this jersey is fantastic. Update: Upon lengthy consideration, there ain’t nothin’ great about this piece of dreck, even from a marketing perspective. They might as well toss a Mr Yuck symbol on the shoulder, for goodness’ sake.
Why it’s garbage: 
‘Boring’ is the best way to describe these things. That said, it’s somewhat appropriate that the Islanders chose to make themselves look like another franchise that’s the second-best New York team in their sport and hasn’t won a championship since the 80s. By our count, they are, this year alone, the fifteenth jersey in the NHL to use black as the primary colour, and the fourteenth to spell the name of the city or club across the front of the jersey in some fashion. Seriously, Isles, you’ve just regained some credibility by going back to the Long Island logo from your glory years – trust us, we’ll be giving the Seven Things treatment to your Soggy Fisherman era jersey sometime soon – and now you go and throw this thing on the market? For what? Reward the fans you still have for sticking it out through these very lean years by giving them a product worth buying! The Screaming Pylons would turn down sponsorship opportunities rather than have to don this fugly mess. Update: Yeah, this is all still true.
Haiku to describe Chris’ feelings when he first saw the Isles 2013 third jersey:
Bossy and Potvin
would spin in their graves. Sadly,
they lived to see this.
Other jerseys we can’t believe somebody approved:
Somebody Approved This: Seattle Sounders 2012 Edition
Somebody Approved This: Canucks Mid-90s Third Jersey
Somebody Approved This: Vancouver Millionaires Tribute Jersey
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