Welcome once again to Whitecaps Wednesday – and the 3rd installment of Pucked in the Head’s “March to March” series. If you’ve been following along, you’ll know that the Whitecaps have managed to pull five victories from their first nine games.
Now mired in their busiest stretch of games (but not the most frenzied – we’ll see that in Part 4), we take a look into the third month of the season and forecast the results of their five May matches.
Buckle up quick, as their month kicks off with an away fixture in Portland, the first of two Cascadia matches in a three-week stretch.
Now that we’ve had a look at all 32 teams competing in Brazil, let’s take a look at where they stand. Please note: like all power rankings ever created, these are complete bullshit. These particular rankings do not necessarily reflect how good the teams actually are, or how they are playing. Rather, these rankings give us a chance to crack jokes and make snide comments. CW — Chris Withers; JK — Jason Kurylo
32) Uruguay New rule: lose to a CONCACAF team, and you get dropped to the bottom of the rankings. I’m not sure why I’m surprised. This is a team that managed a scoreless draw against Jordan at home in their final qualification game. Jordan. CW
31) Ghana
Sorry guys, but rules are rules. Look, you outplayed the USA and deserved better than a 2-1 loss, but you’ve got all the polish and finish of (somewhat ironically) a 400 lb American redneck in a barbecue sauce-stained tank top cruising up to the McDonald’s drive through in an 84 Dodge pickup at 3 in the morning. CW
Never Ghana give you up.
30) Honduras
Fuck these guys and the bullet-ridden, thrice-carjacked bus they rode in on. The slaughter at the hands of the French is the first step in what’s sure to be an early exit for these assholes. You’d think they’d be more motivated to stay, given that the alternative is returning to Honduras where the largest export is stray bullets. (PS: CBC, I’m sure you must have footage of Honduras scoring goals against countries other than Canada. Please use some of it.) Spend a few weeks watching international football with fans of Canada’s men’s squad, and you’ll understand my unvarnished rage. CW
29) Australia
Australia is a terrifying place. Poisonous jellyfish, Vegemite, giant poisonous centipedes, Vegemite, and something called the Australian Paralysis Tick (!!?). The fates didn’t really need to add yet another way to go, yet here they are in a group with Chile, the Netherlands and Spain. Still, I can’t feel too bad for them. If you’re going to walk around with a name like the Socceroos, trouble will follow. CW
Two days into the 2014 World Cup, and we’ve already been treated to some outstanding two-goal performances — most noticeably from Arjen Robben and Robin Van Persie in a 5–1 thrashing of the defending champion Spaniards. (Not to take anything away from the star player on the host team, but Neymar’s pair on opening day came on a mediocre grasscutter from distance and an awful penalty call.) But no matter how many acrobatic headers RVP knocked in, or how many impressive runs Robben put together, the most impressive brace came from Mexican youngster Giovani dos Santos — and neither goal was allowed.
Giovanni dos Santos (circled) was called offside twice to negate two goals in the first half against Cameroon. The Cameroonian defender is clearly back when the ball is struck; the linesman is visible at the bottom of the screen, in perfect position to… miss the call? Image cribbed from ESPN.
Let me tell you a story about soccer, greed and spending outside your means.
Once upon a time, there was a league of soccer teams in North America called the North American Soccer League. (Nobody in 1968 had an imagination, more’s the pity. ) Despite a rocky start, the NASL accomplished quite a bit in a short time. In 1969, the league had only five teams, and an average attendance under 3,000. Only a decade later, the league’s heyday saw 24 teams compete before an average attendance of over 14,000. Vancouver fans saw a championship team in the midst of that heyday, as the Whitecaps won the NASL SoccerBowl in 1979 over the Tampa Bay Rowdies. Five seasons after that, however, in 1985, the league was dead.
Carl Valentine was one of the darlings of NASL soccer in its heyday, helping the Vancouver Whitecaps to its only SoccerBowl trophy in 1979. Today he works as an ambassador for the MLS incarnation of the club. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
As many of you know, I’m a member of the Vancouver Southsiders’ Board of Directors. As Director of External Communications, I’m responsible for responding to media requests we receive. Last week, I got an email from a young, aspiring journalist who was looking for a supporter’s perspective on the current state of the league. Continue reading Whitecaps Wednesday – Musings On The State Of The League→
A young Caps fan celebrates amid the smoke after Vancouver drew level in the first half of Saturday’s U-18 tilt. Photo by Chris Withers.
In their last home games of 2013, the Vancouver Whitecaps Residency sides took to the pitch at Coquitlam’s Percy Perry Stadium on Saturday in front of perhaps 200 spectators, and handed the visiting Portland Timbers a pair of losses. The U-18 squad overcame an early blunder to win 3-2, while the U-16’s rode a pair of Dario Zanatta goals to a 2-0 victory.
It was an inauspicious start for Vancouver, and especially goalkeeper Nolan Wirth. Early in the first half, a Timbers attack died when a foul was assessed to one of their forwards. Wirth shooed his teammates away, opting to take the free kick himself from just outside his own 18-yard box. Instead of clearing the ball up the field, however, he tried to kick the ball across the field to left back Sam Adekugbe. The cross was easily picked off by the Timbers player – who must have blended into the turf, or something – and he had acres and hours to roll the ball in for a 1-0 Portland lead. Continue reading Whitecaps Residency Continues Cascadian Dominance→
Saturday evening, in front of 21,000 rather tense Vancouver fans, the Los Angeles Galaxy made things rather difficult for the Whitecaps. Just two weeks ago, the Caps were sitting pretty in second place in the ridiculously tight Western Conference. Today, after two consecutive losses, Vancouver sits in seventh. Such is life in the West.
LA Galaxy forward Landon Donovan takes a corner kick during a 1-0 victory over Vancouver Whitecaps FC at BC Place. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
One day before the Blue Bombers blew a 10-point 4th quarter lead in their season opener against the Montreal Alouettes, Jim Chliboyko wrote up his thoughts on the 2013 CFL season in Winnipeg.
Bombers start 2013 with cracks in the foundation. Literally. And Investors Group Field has no apostrophes
by Jim Chliboyko
A fish eye view of the brand spanking new Investors Field in Winnipeg. Photo by Jim Chliboyko.
It’s become part of a classy tradition in modern-day Rupert’s Land; the Blue Bombers let go of a seemingly loyal soldier mere weeks before training camp, thus ensuring that said cut player won’t be able to get any work elsewhere in the approaching season.
This is the second time in three years that this has happened in Bomberland. In 2011, utility fullback and versatile Canadian Jon Oosterhuis was released in June by Bombers GM Joe Mack, a move which was whispered to have been particularly malicious at worst, unfeeling at best. He evidently failed his physical, but there was chatter that the release was a classless move, coming after an earlier re-signing, with the failed physical (old knee injury, which had been cleared many times before) used as an excuse to cut the player.
This year, back-up quarterback Alex Brink was released in April. Evidently, this is a late point in the off-season to release a quarterback, and it followed the earlier cutting of Joey Elliott (who was then scooped up by the BC Lions), a pivot who alternately posts award-winning weeks (getting Player of the Week honours twice in a couple years), followed by an interception-laden furball the next week.
Brink did get a look from Toronto, for a quick try-out that lasted only a few weeks. So, stay classy, Winnipeg.
The BC Lions conference room features a table painted like a CFL football field, life-sized photos of Grey Cup winners and assorted team legends, and — wait for it — actual AstroTurf flooring painted like centre field. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Pucked in the Head had the pleasure of chatting with folks over at the BC Lions about an upcoming fundraiser today. No, I’m not letting the cat out of the bag about the event just yet, so hold your horses — but I thought I’d share with y’all just how freakin’ awesome the BC Lions War Room is. The offices moved from BC Place to the location of the Surrey Practice Facility a few years ago, and I’ve got to say I love what they’ve done with the place.
This is where Wally Buono & Co. hold their strategic meetings for football operations. The mural of the 2011 Grey Cup celebration could have been expected, I suppose, as could have the myriad photos of Lions legends. Note the head shots of guys like Lou Passaglia and Jim Young — he’s the one with the shaggy hair and bushy mustache, and just happened to be the first player I admired as a wee lad.
Vancouver Whitecaps FC defender Alain Rochat, one of the first confirmed MLS signings for the club, was traded on Thursday to DC United. Photo courtesy of Vancouver Whitecaps FC.
Well that was fun. I woke up to a text saying that Whitecaps FC defender Alain Rochat had been traded. (Shut up, I was on a night shift last night.) My good friend Jason was kind: he didn’t tell me who the Whitecaps had got back. Had I received those twin shocks at once, I believe I would now be trying to get brain matter out of the curtains. No easy task when your head has just exploded.
Let me get this straight: Martin Rennie has traded another fan favourite for draft picks, and he’s done it just one week after a heartbreaking Voyageurs Cup loss had many people were howling for his scalp? Wow. Nobody’s ever questioned the gaffer’s testicular fortitude, anyway.
