Category Archives: Football

On shiny helmets, short pants and not being a dick

There has been a lot of football in my life since last we spoke. Mine, my kid’s, The NWSS Hyacks and the BC Lions. This makes me happy. I won’t bore all y’all with endless dithering on things, so I’ll encapsulate with some highlights:

  • My women’s team sits at 4-0. Go Bomb Squad!
  • Farhan Lalji highlighted my son and his defensive efforts in the Hyacks football newsletter. Next stop, TSN. Or Broadway. Or a Nobel Prize.  It’s up in the air really. But my kid is a genius. Just saying.
  • I went to the NWSS Hyacks Homecoming game and didn’t stop smiling. Fun for all ages. Bouncy castles, shiny helmets and game ball was brought in by a skydiver. This should be a thing. Always.
skydiver
See that little thing under the light? That’s a skydiver with the game ball. Photo by Erin Jeffery
  • Went to an amazing football game on Saturday with the kid to watch the BC Lions trounce the Saskatchewan Roughriders. Jennings was cool, calm and collected, threw four touchdown passes (two to Arceneaux…who is still my favourite) and  CAUGHT A TD PASS FROM COLLIE!  Also, there was THIS KISS CAM (obviously a set up, but still brilliant) Richie Leone was…well…awful. I’m sorry Richie, but you were. You missed two converts and a 34 yard field goal. Not okay dude. And your pants are too short. Like really short. It’s weird. The Felions were severely shown up by the Washington Huskies Cheer Squad. WHICH HAD MEN IN IT TOO AND THEY WERE AMAZING! And we need more marching bands. Everywhere.
marching band
Washington State Husky’s Marching band and cheer squad. Rocking it at BC Place. The world needs more marching bands. Photo by Erin Jeffery
  • Did I mention my football team sits at 4-0. I KNOW RIGHT?
  • My son’s team played against another team and the coach was such a giant flaming asshole, it was all I could do not to punch him in the throat. Or walk off the field. Or both.

It is this last point that we will address in today’s missive.

Here’s a tip. If you are coaching kids…don’t be a dick. I’m going to let you in on a secret. If you are looking at coaching little kids as your pathway to fame and fortune, being a dick is NOT the way to do it. No adult remembers you fondly. They don’t say in their thank you speeches at the ESPY’s ‘my tyke coach was a complete ass hat and he was the best’. Or ‘I loved how he shamed us for being useless when we were seven. It was a totally life affirming moment that I will treasure always’.

That does not happen.

Ever.

Don’t get me wrong. I get coaches being intense and hard asses. I get Old School coach yelling. I’m a bit guilty of it myself. ‘FOR THE LOVE OF GODZILLA WHY WON’T YOU ALL RUN IN THE SAME DIRECTION?’ ‘DON’T GO BACKWARDS? WHY ARE YOU RUNNING BACKWARDS?’ ‘STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHER? WHY ARE YOU TOUCHING EACH OTHER?’ ‘WHY IS NO ONE LISTENING TO ME?’But that is different from shaming. That is different than winning at any cost.

At seven.

Or seventeen.

Or seventy.

That is different than running a hurry up offence because your defence is five tired six and seven year olds who have been playing iron man because there are no subs and then saying ‘WHAT ARE YOU COMPLAINING ABOUT? The offence controls the ball!’ That is different than yelling ‘I can’t work with this line up! THEY ARE USELESS’, and then sending five little kids with their heads bowed off the field.

That’s not coaching.  That’s being an asshole.

Here is the thing. I get where it is coming from. I am the most competitive human on the planet. Except for maybe my mother who once tried to kill me with a tennis ball. She said she was simply serving the ball,  but I’m pretty sure Federer serves slower.

But I digress. Now is not the time for mother issues.

I get being competitive. I get wanting to win. My co-coach and I discuss this before every game. Each kid touches the ball. Each kid gets a chance at everything. They deserve the chance to throw that winning touchdown or catch that interception, or sack their running back THREE TIMES IN A ROW (which my kid did. Just saying). But we also play to win. If we are down, our strongest QB will take the third down snap or our fastest runner will take the hand off. And if we are ahead, we pull back so the other team doesn’t get hammered. The focus should be getting them to love the game. To love sport. Sometimes they will win, which is great, and sometimes they will lose, which sucks, but everytime they play, they should still walk off that field with their heads held high because they had fun, they tried hard, and their coaches are really really proud of them.

At the end of every game, I tell each kid what he did that made me proud. Every single one. I have one who scores like a fiend, but my favourite thing about him is that he is the best sport on the field. So I tell him that. And I tell him I wish I could catch as well as he does. Because I do.

I don’t do this to make me special. I do this because I had coaches that did that with me and it’s how I learned. Mr. Dougan. Mr. Zinkan. Mr Alexander. My dad. My mom. So many others that I’m too old to remember their names. They coached loud and hard, but they also lifted us up every game.

I hope you are reading this sir, and I hope in my heart of hearts that you have figured out that I am directing this to you. I’m sure you aren’t a bad person. I’m sure you think you’re making them better football players, but here’s a secret. You aren’t. Because they are going to stop playing. They will quit and do something else. Anything else. And they may never touch a football again, which is sad because it’s the greatest sport ever played.

But rest assured, they will remember you. They’ll remember you like I remember Mr. Smythe. As that asshole who made our entire basketball team cry because we embarrassed him. We were an unbeaten team who didn’t win by enough and we embarrassed him. I still remember him thirty years later, and I remember it as the last year I played basketball.

 

Is that how you want to be remembered?

Hockey’s back, baby!

Friday was 27 degrees Celsius, a truly glorious day. I took my daughter to her second day of Kindergarten, ducked into Governor General Literary Award winner The Sisters Brothers, then proceeded to spend the afternoon playing with Lego and making some decidedly awesome Chesapeake Bay chicken. Literally, I played the winner, winner, chicken dinner card.

Canucks fans will recognize a couple of names in the old red and white this year. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Canucks fans will recognize a couple of names in the old red and white this year. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

The evening got better. I shot SFU hockey, then ran a personal best 5km at the track while watching my old school’s football team put up a truckload of points against a lesser rival. Spent over an hour chatting with five-time Grey Cup champion Leroy Moss after he complimented me on my run — yes, he’s the uncle of Randy Moss — and he happens to be a charming and generous storyteller to boot. He spent time with the BC Lions, Edmonton Eskimos and Cincinnati Bengals, and played with and/or against the likes of Warren Moon, Lui Passaglia, Tom Wilkinson and Larry Highbaugh. Nice talking to you, Leroy!

Enjoy my first hockey pictures of the 2015-16 season, from pre-season action between the SFU Clan and the Trinity Spartans. Against the flow of play, TWU took the game 3-1 down at Bill Copeland Arena in Burnaby.

The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The SFU Clan dropped a 3-1 pre-season game to the Trinity Western Spartans at Bill Copeland Arena. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

Why aren’t we 12?

This past Thursday, a friend of mine took me to Century Link Field for the Seattle Seahawks fourth preseason game. This is the preseason game that ‘the 12‘ are excited about. The starters all have their places on the roster locked down (they hope), and on the field are the bench players vying for position. Deep bench. Waaaay deep bench.

Even with empty seats, the atmosphere at Century Link beats anything we see at sold out stadiums in Vancouver. Photo by Erin Jeffery.
Even with empty seats, the atmosphere at Century Link beats anything we see at sold out stadiums in Vancouver. Photo by Erin Jeffery.

Russell Wilson came on the field for one play. He threw a touchdown. Then had a nap.

The Legion of Boom were looking for their swag. Marshawn Lynch was eating Skittles(TM). The guys sitting behind us (who ESPN needs to hire STAT) kept exclaiming things like:

“Is that another one of them Smith boys?”

“Who the…what the…who the hell is THAT guy?”

“Son, you’ve gotta throw the ball sometime.” (See below.)

“Remember, it’s preseason for the refs too. No way they be making that dumbass call during regular season.”

For the last half of the game, the quarterback was this guy.

daniels_b.j_0
BJ Daniels. Wide Receiver.

They don’t even list him as a backup quarterback. Also explains why he rushed most of the time.. really well, I must admit. So well that the Raiders sent six guys on him at one point and made a giant Daniels sandwich.

Boom indeed.

Continue reading Why aren’t we 12?

Ten films you should watch again

I wanted to be up in North Vancouver this morning, checking out the view from Hollyburn Country Club and shooting media day pictures for the Odlum Brown Vancouver Open Tennis Tournament. Alas, I’m at home nursing a later summer cold and flicking my way through a variety of on demand movie listings.

So here’s my list of Ten sports films you should watch again. I invite your commentary, your judgement and your suggestions. I obviously haven’t given a definitive list here, but let’s be clear: I’ll be damned if anyone makes me sit through Slap Shot ever again. Why so many people like that load of unadulterated shite is just beyond me.

Continue reading Ten films you should watch again

Seasons of Loss (Or, How to Reference Broadway Theatre in a Football Piece)

Andrew Harris rushed for 118 yards and caught a few passes for 57 yards more, while Manny Arseneaux led the team with 75 yards reception. They combined for three TDs in a 26-23 comeback win over the Edmonton Eskimos. CP photo lifted from the Province Sports website.
Andrew Harris rushed for 118 yards and caught a few passes for 57 yards more, while Manny Arceneaux led the team with 75 yards reception. They combined for three TDs in a 26-23 comeback win over the Edmonton Eskimos, and did so seven minutes after Erin Jeffery & Kid left the building. CP photo lifted from the Province Sports website.

This past Friday I was at the Lions game with the kid. As games go, it wasn’t our best. The defence was kind of sleepy and the offence seemed to be hurling themselves at the Eskimos like lemmings over a cliff.  There were moments of brilliance, but sadly more moments of ‘arrrrrgh’. Sure, Arceneaux scored a spectacular TD, but Jennings got hammered with his short yardage attempt. Harris was dependable, but Lulay just wasn’t finding his receivers. So with seven minutes left, Lions down by five, I looked at my 5 11/12-year-old, our 35-minute ride home, and his 7am wake up the next day and thought, “Well… This game is over… Crazy P has sung… It’s time to head”. The kid was sad, because he wanted to see the Lions win.  His Lions win.  But I made a choice.

Don’t say it. Just. Don’t. Say. It.

Continue reading Seasons of Loss (Or, How to Reference Broadway Theatre in a Football Piece)

Real Girl Power

We are not going to talk about the Lions game on Friday.  Ideally, I’d like to pretend it didn’t happen.  We’re not going to mention losing a three-touchdown lead, or the moderately INSANE decision to go for it on 3rd and 4, or the grabbing of facemasks by defencemen who have NO BUSINESS GRABBING FACEMASKS!

We’re also not going to talk about this most recent loss last night. It’s just salt in the wound.

What we WERE going to talk about was the Felions. Specifically…WTF (or What the Felion?)

However, while I was hammering away on my keyboard about the ludicrousness of the Felions and how they are indicative of the outdated assumption that the only people who attend or appreciate football games are horny straight males who couldn’t recognize good dancing if it hit them on the head with an arabesque, I heard the news that the Arizona Cardinals had hired the first ever woman to coach on an NFL team.

Well now….

Dr Jen Welter has been named the pre-season linebacker coach for the Arizona Falcons, and becomes the first woman to join an NFL coaching staff. Image borrowed from notable.ca
Dr Jen Welter has been named the pre-season linebacker coach for the Arizona Falcons, and becomes the first woman to join an NFL coaching staff. Image borrowed from notable.ca

This proves one of my points way better than anything I was going to say. (Although, I’m sure I’ll be spouting off on the Felions at a later date… because SERIOUSLY?)

The trend that was started by Becky Hammon as assistant coach of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs is continuing with Dr. Jen Welter, and I say it’s about bloody time.

This post on Time.com has a lot to say about why getting women into the coaching pool is going to make for better games.

Giving women access to leadership positions expands the talent pool available to organizations. And a wider talent pool improves the quality of candidates a firm can hire.

The history of sports clearly illustrates this point. For example, prior to racial integration in baseball, which began with Jackie Robinson in 1947, the sport had a competitive balance problem. It was not uncommon for a team to win (or lose) more than 65% of their games. This disparity was made possible because the league, which only employed white males from the U.S., could not find enough talent. When it expanded its talent base, the number of talented pitchers and hitters expanded, too. A team has not won more than 65% of its games since 2001.

This rule applies to any organization: The wider your search for talent, the better the talent you are ultimately likely to employ.

Is the male dominated sports world ready for this shift? Yes, I think it is.  I see it when I coach my son’s team.  Admittedly, I’m coaching six- and seven-year-olds, but misogyny starts early, my friends.  Most of these kids have dads. Most of these kids are boys. One of my fellow coaches (another woman), used to play tackle on the very same team we are coaching (GO HYACKS).

I was asked to be a head coach of one of the teams because I know the game. I’m asked for advice by men on the field. I’m given respect by the kids, their fathers and the other coaches.  The fact that I’m a woman doesn’t enter into any discussions. What matters is that I know and love football and I want the kids to love it too.

This picture of Dr Jen Welter as the first woman to play a non-kicker position in a pro football league was given the respectful name "female-player.jpg" by the New York Daily News.
This picture of Dr Jen Welter as the first woman to play a non-kicker position in a pro football league was given the respectful name “female-player.jpg” by the New York Daily News.

So hooray for the Arizona Cardinals in continuing what I hope will become a trend in professional and high level competitive sports. While it may be a while before we see women on these teams, or an interest in legitimate professional women’s teams that aren’t wearing underwear as uniforms,  there is no reason why we shouldn’t be coaching.

Coaching is teaching.  It’s instructing.  Does the coach need to have a thorough understanding of the game they are coaching? Oh hells yes. Should they have played it at a high level at some point in their lives? Absolutely.  Do they need to have corresponding genitals to be able to guide the team to victory? Nope. Balls do not make the calls.

I think I’m going to get that put on a t shirt…

For the love of the game

Monday was a good day.

It started like any other. Running around the house like a crazed maniac, saying ‘It’s time to go, it’s time to go, it’s time to go’ about 800 times to get my six-year-old and his friend out the door to soccer camp. Doing volunteer work at the Arts Council of New Westminster, picking up my kid and his friend after soccer camp, watching them go all Lord of the Flies in the forest, running home, eating dinner, running out of the house, once again yelling ‘It’s time to go it’s time to go it’s time to go!’

It’s time to go to football practice.

Nick Hebeler, eat your heart out. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
Nick Hebeler, eat your heart out. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

Today I stood in front of 30+ six- and seven-year-old boys and two girls (YES) and talked to them about football and about bleeding orange (GO HYACKS! GO LIONS!). Today I got to start them on the road of a lifetime of passion for the greatest sport in the world.

Today I got to share this with my son.

Continue reading For the love of the game

More Cheers, Fewer Beers

Hi, I’m Russell Arbuthnot. You may remember me from such blog postings as “A Rennie Saved is a Rennie Earned” and “Band-Aids and Berber.” Typically, my audience (thanks to both my mom and my editor) is used to reading my cogitations on football, but like, the European kind. Here in North America, the colloquial term for the sport is “soccer”, yet our local “soccer” team denotes itself as a “football club” despite playing in Major League Soccer.

It just so happens that we also have another football club in town, which actually plays what is commonly referred to as football in this here continent. The BC Lions F.C. kicked off the 2015 season this past Friday night, providing the first opportunity for the team and fans alike to experience the purported new and improved atmosphere at BC Place.

These dudes weren't in the conference room — they're available for sale at the front counter, though. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
A general feeling of over-crowding is exactly what the Lions are looking for this season after closing off the upper deck at BC Place.  Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.

Now, fair reader, you may be asking yourself, “Why is this dolt writing about CFL football?” Good question. Jason asked me to produce a preview for the Whitecaps game versus Kansas City in a limited time frame. Me, being the social butterfly that I am, had committed to a variety of good times the likes of which you would never be invited to, so I just couldn’t make it work. One of these events was the aforementioned Lions home opener, hence the revised assignment request. I was there. I got a free hat. Bonus.

Continue reading More Cheers, Fewer Beers

Cracks in the Foundation – Chliboyko on the Bombers

One day before the Blue Bombers blew a 10-point 4th quarter lead in their season opener against the Montreal Alouettes, Jim Chliboyko wrote up his thoughts on the 2013 CFL season in Winnipeg.

Bombers start 2013 with cracks in the foundation. Literally.
And Investors Group Field has no apostrophes
by Jim Chliboyko

A fish eye view of the brand spanking new Investors Field in Winnipeg. Photo by Jim Chliboyko.
A fish eye view of the brand spanking new Investors Field in Winnipeg. Photo by Jim Chliboyko.

It’s become part of a classy tradition in modern-day Rupert’s Land; the Blue Bombers let go of a seemingly loyal soldier mere weeks before training camp, thus ensuring that said cut player won’t be able to get any work elsewhere in the approaching season.

This is the second time in three years that this has happened in Bomberland. In 2011, utility fullback and versatile Canadian Jon Oosterhuis was released in June by Bombers GM Joe Mack, a move which was whispered to have been particularly malicious at worst, unfeeling at best. He evidently failed his physical, but there was chatter that the release was a classless move, coming after an earlier re-signing, with the failed physical (old knee injury, which had been cleared many times before) used as an excuse to cut the player.

This year, back-up quarterback Alex Brink was released in April. Evidently, this is a late point in the off-season to release a quarterback, and it followed the earlier cutting of Joey Elliott (who was then scooped up by the BC Lions), a pivot who alternately posts award-winning weeks (getting Player of the Week honours twice in a couple years), followed by an interception-laden furball the next week.

Brink did get a look from Toronto, for a quick try-out that lasted only a few weeks. So, stay classy, Winnipeg.

More after the jump.

Continue reading Cracks in the Foundation – Chliboyko on the Bombers

Football’s Back! by Sam Anderson

We at Pucked in the Head would like to introduce our new BC Lions correspondent, Sam Anderson. Located on the mighty Twitter at @SamelaAnderson, this football gal represents everything that is right about football fandom. Beer, check. Permasmile, check. Large collection of BC Lions paraphernalia, check. So much enthusiasm you can’t even imagine watching a game without her, check.

Football’s Back!
by Sam Anderson

Ahhh I’m getting so excited! The return of preseason football is the equivalent of Christmas for CFL fans. While I’m bummed that TSN opted not to televise the preseason games this season (BOOOOOOOOOO!), and happy that our boys eked it out vs the Stamps last Friday night, it’s being back in my seat at BC Place that I’m really looking forward to. This Friday night can’t come soon enough.

More, including Grey Cup and Fan Fest reminiscin’, after the jump.

Sam Anderson (@SamelaAnderson on the mighty Twitter) cavorts with Leo the Lion at the 2013 BC Lions Fan Fest in Kamloops. Photo courtesy of Sam's Facebook page.
Sam Anderson (@SamelaAnderson on the mighty Twitter) cavorts with Leo the Lion at the 2013 BC Lions Fan Fest in Kamloops. Photo courtesy of Sam’s Facebook page.

Continue reading Football’s Back! by Sam Anderson