For the second time in as many posts, we at PitH are proud to present a brand spankin’ new correspondent. Russell Arbuthnot (@ArbuOutThere in Twitterland) has been associated with the Abbotsford Heat hockey club over the past couple of seasons, but grew up playing, watching and otherwise obsessing about the beautiful game. He sat in the Pucked in the Head media seat at Saturday’s adrenaline-soaked Whitecaps FC match, and filed this ode to Kenny Miller’s cleats.
I’ll Be Alone Forever, Thanks to Kenny Miller
By Russell Arbuthnot
Kenny Miller scored twice, earning the Man of the Match award and MLS Player of the Week honours. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
The Vancouver Whitecaps welcomed the New England Revolution to BC Place stadium for the first time on Saturday night. Both clubs came into the game with streaks on the line: the Revs (5-5-5, 20 pts, 6th in Eastern Conference) had collected points in each of their last 7 matches, while the ‘Caps (5-5-4, 19 pts, 7th in Western Conference) had yet to lose a game at home this season.
Before kickoff, Steve Nash (sort of) riled up the Whitecaps’ faithful with a (somewhat) rousing rendition of “White is the Colour.” It’s safe to say the title of “best singing voice on a local sports franchise minority-owner” still belongs to Michael Bublé — Nash’s many pitch problems were only outdone by the New England Revolution in the first half.
I’m not kidding. It’s not sure whether the visiting team’s boots were manufactured by Becel, but judging by the amount of time New England players spent on the turf in the opening minutes, someone had greased the cleats.
Despite the wardrobe malfunction(s), the Revolution jumped out to an early lead in the 10th minute, when Juan Agudelo exposed a ‘Caps defensive hole the size of Nantucket before converting a lovely through ball from left back Chris Tierney. Just 10 minutes later, Kelyn Rowe doubled their lead on a wonderful finish from12 yards out. The Whitecaps’ defensive woes, which have dogged them all season, were once again proving to be costly. This team, however, is nothing if not resilient.
Maybe it was hearing goalkeeper Brad Knighton deliver a tongue-lashing to the back line, or maybe it was seeing the image of a parched Mr. Nash solemnly eating fries on the big screen that changed the intensity of the Vancouver squad. His thirst had to be quenched, and Knighton in all of his pink-clad fury had to be heeded.
It was Miller time.
More, including a rousing Ode to Kenny Miller’s Cleats, after the jump.
In response to Kenny Miller’s brace of goals, Hervé (@1stLineCentre) leads the Southsiders in a stirring rendition of Ludvig van Beethoven’s adaptation of Freidrich Schiller’s 1785 poem, Ode to Joy. Photo by Jason Kurylo for Pucked in the Head.
With the ridiculous annual corporate wankfest that is the MLS All-Star Game once again looming on the horizon, Pucked in the Head has a very important message for all you Whitecaps fans: vote green and white! Portland is having a stellar season, currently sitting in 3rd place in the Western Conference with two games in hand on 2nd-place Real Salt Lake. Their players absolutely deserve the honour of competing in this ridiculous annual corporate wankfest. I assure you that this has ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the fact the game takes place on July 31st, just three days before Vancouver has to play a Cascadia Cup match against the Portland Timbers. No siree, Bob. We are absolutely not suggesting that you should attempt to rig the fan voting to ensure that the Whitecaps have the best possible chance of winning their derby the following weekend. Nope. 
The Voyageurs Cup tournament has been a thorn in the side of Vancouver Whitecaps supporters for eleven years now. Eleven times the Cup has been contested, and eleven times the club has found a way to lose. In 2011, Vancouver was less than 20 minutes from victory when torrential rain and lightning in Toronto forced an abandonment, wiping out the Whitecaps’ away goal and necessitating a replay, which they would lose. In 2012, the Whitecaps managed to lose to “the worst team in the world,” as Toronto forward Danny Koevermans called his TFC squad after they’d set an MLS futility record to start a season. But the one that will be on the minds of long-time fans of the Whitecaps will be the 2009 tournament, when the Whitecaps all but won their first championship, only to have it snatched away on the final day of the tournament in a game they weren’t even involved in. The Montreal Impact, who were already eliminated from that 2009 tournament, played a reserve side in the final game and were routed 6-1, handing the championship to Toronto on goal differential. Though not one player remains from that 2009 tournament, thousands of fans remember. Beating then-division 2 Montreal in the first round wasn’t enough. The fans want revenge, and they want it tonight. 
